The First Time I Saw Your Face
by PieAnnamay07
Summary: Steve Rogers has been in the twenty-first century for a month and a half when he first meets Darcy Lewis.


Steve Rogers has been in the twenty-first century for a month and a half when he first meets Darcy Lewis.

He knows he's not coping well. He'll wake up in the early morning, and for a minute, he thinks he's still in 1945. Being found in 2012 is just a nightmare, and Bucky is still alive, Peggy is still his lover, still waiting for the war to be over so the two of them can begin their life together.

Then, he glances to his right, and there is no Bucky nearby. He is in his bed, in the apartment that Tony Stark, Howard's son, offered him.

He's still in 2012, and it's not a nightmare, it's his unfortunate reality.

He thinks that maybe he should talk to someone, but the thought of talking to a therapist makes his stomach twist with nervous anxiety. He doesn't want to talk to a therapist, to someone who is paid to listen to his problems and prescribe medication, probably, that wouldn't even work on his serum-enhanced body.

Sighing, he gets out of bed, dressing quickly. He doesn't know what he'll do today.

He feels useless in this century. He knows, as Captain America, he's doing good things in the world. As Steve Rogers, though, he has nothing.

Steve knows he's in a sort of rut, but he doesn't know how to get himself out of it.

He's trying to like this new century, but the amount of information he has to catch up on is staggering, overwhelming in a way that he has no idea where to even begin with it all.

He feels so lost, adrift and alone.

He has his fellow Avengers, he knows, and he does like them, but they're not a replacement for the Commandos. They've held up far longer than any of them expected, for people who had nothing in common other than wanting to protect people. Their personalities are so different.

Steve is standing in the common area kitchen, unsure of what exactly he's going to do, when he sees Tony come into the room. Tony spends most of his time in his science lab or his workshop, so Steve is brought up short for several seconds.

"Ah, Capcicle!" Tony addresses him, and Steve hides his wince well.

He wishes Tony wouldn't call him that. He's sure Tony isn't meaning to be so — so cruel, taunting him about the years he spent in the ice. He just tries to ignore it, most of the time, because he doesn't feel up to an argument with his — sort of — friend.

"What is it?" Steve asks, tone slightly clipped.

"Foster and Lewis are moving in today." Tony tells him, as if that should mean something to him. "Foster? Jane Foster, Thor's girlfriend. I got her to agree to come here, and she brought her assistant." Tony pauses to wink suggestively at Steve. "Cute thing, you'd like her."

Steve wants to protest, to say he doesn't know if he'll like her without even knowing her. He doesn't, though, something holding him back that he can't quite pinpoint.

"They could use some muscle to help them carry all of their junk — I mean equipment." Tony continues to give Steve a strange look. "You've got this, Cap."

Steve lets out a breath. He knows what he's doing today, apparently.

The woman in front of him is very good looking. Pretty.

Steve's fingers itch to draw her, to capture her face on paper. The color of her hair, the shape of her eyes and nose, her red-painted lips that are tilted down in a slight frown as she struggles with the box in front of her.

"Excuse me, Ma'am, do you need some help?" Steve asks.

She turns her head to face him, staring for a few seconds.

"Uh, yeah, thanks. I could really use the help." She smiles at him, looking a bit shy, like she can't quite believe he's talking to her.

Steve has always been awkward around women. Before the serum, women hadn't been interested in him. After he'd gotten it, they'd started paying attention, and he didn't know quite how to handle it. He knew a lesser man than him might have taken advantage, but he'd only had eyes for one woman.

Peggy's loss gnaws at his heart, but Steve is in the present now, as much as he may not like it at times.

The woman in front of him introduces herself as Darcy. He likes the name, thinks it suits her.

His strength is a curse a lot of the time. He had struggled with it in the beginning; still struggles with it, at times, if he's honest with himself. He tries to be honest with himself all the time, but he's no saint and he knows it. All he wants is to do the right thing, but he's still a man, he still has faults.

His strength isn't a curse in this moment.

Darcy chatters to him as he helps her carry Dr. Foster's equipment, explaining how she met the other woman because of an internship and had never left.

Steve feels himself relaxing, bit by bit, Darcy's easy conversation pulling him in.

The two become fast friends. Darcy reminds him of Bucky, a little, the way they click together.

She's helpful, and fun to be around, distracts him from things he would rather not think about. She makes the seemingly endless list of things he has to catch up on seem manageable. She's friendly, open with him in a way that most people aren't.

She sees him as Steve Rogers, not Captain America. He doesn't have the words to tell her how much it means to him.

Time passes, and if his stomach flips with nervous excitement every time she smiles at him, or he makes up reasons to talk to her, to touch her…

He's falling, and he can't stop. He wants to stop, at first. He feels guilty. Why should he deserve this, to be happy with another woman when his relationship with Peggy had imploded, even if it had been out of their control?

He knows he shouldn't feel this way. Peggy wouldn't begrudge him for wanting to be happy.

Why can't he get it through his thick skull?


End file.
